Why the fuck did I do this…. I seriously hate myself for letting this shit happen to me…. why I thought there would be a change… i wouldn’t let this shit happen to me anymore and i fell right into the trap and am stuck now

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Questions

I question what the hell I am going to do…. I absolutely love my husband and stepsons but I want a child myself with my husband. We talked and agreed before we got married that we would have at least one together. We actually started trying. Then life happened and the boy’s birth mom passed away and we got full custody two of three of the boys and I have been left on the back burner. I’ve tried to talk to my husband but he isn’t good with stress and our whole conversation went sideways…. what am I supposed to do? How I am supposed to be truly happy when I don’t know if I will have the opportunity to have the one thing I ever wanted in life… a baby of my own! To create life. To feel that first time seeing them overwhelming love.

But I also don’t want to lose my husband and boys either… stuck in between a rock and a hard spot

Overwhelmed

There are so many times I just feel so overwhelmed. I start thinking about everything…. the past … the present!

 

Right now I am getting this overwhelming feeling that I don’t want my husband to go on his training trip next month. I don’t know if it is because I think he is actually going to cheat on me or if it is just from past shit that keeps playing in my mind.